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“Your job as a parent is not to make your child’s way smooth, but rather to help them develop inner resources so they can cope.” – Ellyn Satter

Before you start reading this, ask yourself the following questions:

1. Do I want what is good for my child or what is best?

2. Do I speak to my child as if he/she is destined for success?

3. Do I say the following things to my child?

• I am proud of you.

• I believe in you.

• You can do it.

• I am there for you.

• I love you.

• Thank you.

• What do you think?

4) Do I recognize that I am responsible to my child and not for him/her?

5) Do I model the behaviour that I want my child to exhibit?

6) Do I focus more on what my child does or on who he/she is becoming?

7) Do I ask my child to make a commitment, or do I force him/her into doing things?

8) Am I trying to make my child successful just so that I will feel successful?

9) Do I end every lecture with LOVE?

Well, if you have jotted down the answers somewhere, we will tally them later.

The job of a parent is not to raise a perfect child, rather a ‘good’ and ‘successful’ one. It is important to groom them to develop skills that will help them to traverse the road ahead in life. Roads are never smooth nor perfect, so based on your child’s abilities, you need to teach them to overcome challenges and move ahead.

Parenting is not an easy task, but it is definitely worth your time and effort. Again, there is no ‘perfect parenting’ or a rulebook that applies to everyone. Like every child, the ways of parenting are also different.

Here are some tips on science-backed methods of parenting to raise a successful child.

Inculcate a growth mindset: In one study, Stanford University psychologist Carol Dweck asked 4-year old kids to choose between solving easy or difficult jigsaw puzzles. Some kids with a fixed mindset chose the easier one so that they can solve easily and validate their god-given abilities. But, the growth-oriented kids went for the harder one as it was an opportunity for them to learn. A growth mindset also helps them to see challenges and find ways to overcome them. This in turn helps them to strive for success and drives excellence through a self-learning model. So consider, Q2 from the above list when you speak to your child.

Teach social skills: Social and life skills are of utmost importance in today’s dynamic scenario. A study at Penn State and Duke revealed that successful kids mostly have good social skills than others. Check out the marshmallow test (their ability to delay gratification can be linked to intelligence, success, and social skills). This also facilitates self-discipline. Try to answer Q6 in this regard.

Educate them on how to handle failure: This is probably the most important life lesson that you can give your child as a parent. Look at Q1, Q4, and Q8. Your answers to these questions model your ways on how you help your child to tackle failure. As a winning parent, you need to encourage your child to choose the best path even though it might be full of challenges and failure. Teach them by example that failure is not final, there is always a new leaning that will lead the way ahead.

Walk the Talk: How often do you truly find the answer to Q5? As a parent, when was the last time you told your child about something you learned recently or something that you would want to still learn? So, to imbibe the zeal to learn or let them find their own answers, you need to exhibit the same behaviour as well. This will also help you to answer Q7.

Show them the importance of good relationships: Experts found that having strong relationships is vital for children’s growth and psychological well-being. Ask yourself if you measure your success as a parent by the quality of the relationship, or by how effectively you can control my child? Good relationships are also associated with good academic success and meaningful decisions on life. Show them how good relations bring harmony and help in growth and development. Reduces conflicts at home as much as possible and encourage your child to build good relations at every phase of life.

Build Emotional Intelligence: EQ has a very important role to play in both raising a successful child and also to regulate their response in the life ahead. Research shows that kids who can regulate their emotions are able to focus better, which facilitates long-term success. They also have better physical health. Look at Q3 and Q9; these definitely contribute towards raising a successful child with higher EQ. Take a quick look at our #ThursdayThoughts where we are sharing tips on building EI from an expert.

BONUS TIP 1 – Make them interested in Maths: In a study conducted with 35,000 young children, it was seen that early maths skills not only helped in academic performance but also in “future reading achievement.” Teaching them numbers at an early age is as important as reading to them.

BONUS TIP 2- Let them choose their own goals: A study at the University of California identified the benefits of letting children plan their own schedules and set their own goals. Research has also found that it is helpful when children choose their own punishments. This makes them break the rules less frequently. Children who participate in school activities chosen by them are 24% more likely to enjoy going to school. Think about Q8. So let them choose, but guide them too.

As Sue Atkins rightly said, “There is no such thing as a perfect parent. So just be a real one”, it is an important lesson for all parents to follow.

As a parent, you know your child the best. So, raising YOUR child into a successful and good person, raising him/her into something they will cherish for life, raising them into responsible human beings is the BEST way of parenting for YOU.

Here are some small titbits on parenting:

Parenting won’t be easy and you will never be able to tame

Who says? When parenting can be just like a fun game.

They might drive you crazy and they might make a mess,

Just get your moves right and think ahead like in a game of chess.

They might make you feel tired, exhausted and madder,

Just remember, if snakes take you down, you can still go up the ladders.

If you feel lost and can’t figure out their babble,

Just search for the right letter like in a game of Scrabble.

You might find yourselves mostly in a strife,

But, they will always be that important piece in the puzzle of your life.

If you love them, they will love you back; If you hug them, they will hug you back,

They might annoy you, but they will keep your happiness on track.

Not everything will be perfect, not everything will rhyme,

But, parenting can be fun if you enjoy one small step at a time.

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Author

Debolina is an ex-HR and Corp. Comm. professional and a freelance content writer. She is also a creative writer and blogger(debolinacoomar.wordpress.com). She strives to ignite the power of thought with a whole new perspective, something on the lines of what Walt Disney said: “If you can dream it, you can do it”. You can connect with her at debolinaamity@gmail.com.

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